Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
