I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
