Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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