obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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