He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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