Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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