Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize