That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
