oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
