I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
