He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
