you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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