I only kidnapped one of them. chill
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
