Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
