Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
The ass gains better be worth it
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
