So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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