Where did you get a picture of my penis
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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