my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
