okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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