We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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