YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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