they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
