Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
