Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
now i know why i became what i already was.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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