sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
