I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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