You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Send help, water and tortillas.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
