Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
you made out with another girl for some wings
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
