Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
