I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
