he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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