yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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