I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
