The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
