when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
