I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I did not marry a roomba.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
