seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
