Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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