ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
