Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
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I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
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I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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