i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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