Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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