Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
