:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
