I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
