I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i think i have two assholes
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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