Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
