Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
