did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
