I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
