I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
