sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize