where am i from again
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
