This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
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