I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
