Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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