HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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