I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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