I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
