And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
