drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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