Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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