My first STD was from a foam party
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
