For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
