Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
