JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
